Well, I'm getting older, and I thought I knew how to buy a car. My first couple I bought in upstate New York. The next few I bought in Florida, while in graduate school. Then I moved to New Jersey, where it seemed much the same. You drive to where the cars are and talk to someone who wants to sell you a car. Then, after choosing one, you go away and arrange to get the money. Then you go back where the cars are and pay for it. If everything works out OK, then you drive the car away. It all seemed reasonable to me, too. But now things are different.
Here is a little background info. My daughter just got her first apartment in Manhattan. It's not fancy, but it's hers and she is happy. Then her car, which we bought in the "normal" way, began to be a nuisance to her. First it began to collect tickets while her boyfriend drove and parked it in the wrong places. That was solved by ditching the BF (there was more, but I'll leave that for another story). Then one day the car disappeared off the street. She was right at the decision point about whether to sell the car or not. So the disappearance could have been good (provided the insurance company paid). Unfortunately, the BF had come back to haunt her. He had never paid his tickets, so the car was impounded. Well, that is an adventure in New York City! Visits here and there to offices in strange places, followed by payment of large sums of money, including her former BF's tickets. She made her way through it without complaining too much. But she did decide to sell the car!
OK, so, what to do? She didn't know, but her uncle did. Her uncle lives in Flushing, and volunteered to show the car at his house. I don't know why, but it was really decent of him. So he was to show the car and my daughter was to advertise so it would sell. Well, right after paying deposits and her first rent, that was not in the cards. She didn't even have an Internet connection. So her very kind uncle started dropping off fliers and putting in Internet ads (don't tell his wife - she thought that was my daughter's job). Well, nothing much happened for a while, but then, last Wednesday night we got a call. And all hell broke loose! My daughter calls up and says there may be a buyer. Her uncle calls up and tells us the same. Daughter calls back and says "It's not enough. What do I do?" So I coach her on how to negotiate. Then her uncle calls up again and tells us the bottom line and the shocker "They want to buy it tonight!" Did daughter dear prepare for this? Hell, no! The title, manual, and extra keys are here in NJ!
So we tell him "No way! We'll come over tomorrow, when we're scheduled to go to Brooklyn." He says "No, it has to be tonight. They need the car for tomorrow. They'll pay cash!" So we hem and haw for a bit, then tell him that we'll come over. Then we ask him "Where do we do this thing?" He tells us in Manhattan, then corrects himself to say Astoria. It's 6PM by that time, and we have to conclude this quickly. So, off we go, worrying about counterfeit money, unsavory buyers, and so on. We call everyone in sight telling them we're on the way. Uncle is driving the car over to meet us. By 7:15 we're picking up my daughter and explaining things to her. Then we put the Astoria address in the GPS and head for Queens. So, traffic is fairly light and we get there in twenty minutes or so, pulling up just behind the uncle. "Not so bad," I say to myself (stupidly, it turns out in retrospect). Uncle gets on his cell phone and tells us "I can't get the guy!" So we stand around for a while, thumbs up our asses, wondering WTF. The house owner comes out in curlers and tells us the guy lives here but he isn't here right now.
It's at this point that I begin to focus on what's gone wrong with car buying. Rule 1: go to where the cars are! What the hell, the car, the seller, the uncle, and the immediate family in yet another car are all going somewhere that the buyer IS NOT! Uncle is resourceful, however, and calls one of the other people who came to his place with the buyer. He says, "I'm close by, a couple of blocks away. Let me call the guy and find out what happened and get him to call you back." So, we wait, and wait, and wait. Then uncle's phone rings and the dude calls back. "That guy will call you in a minute." So, the missing guy finally calls and tells us "I'm in Manhattan and, by the way, I'm not the guy buying the car." So now we're really in a lather. Uncle, not to be topped, calls the other dude back.
The dude tells us "Come and get me, then we'll get this thing going." I'm saying "Great, maybe this will happen." So off we go to DESTINATION 2. Well, it is DEFINITELY NOT a couple of blocks away. It is a couple of MILES away. We're following uncle and he goes through so many yellow lights, trapping us behind, that I'm beginning to wonder if we'll every catch him. Thank goodness we have cell phones. Finally we get to DESTINATION2. When we catch up with uncle, he starts up again immediately. I think he is still heading for the dude until I see that the dude is inside the car. "Where are we going," I ask my wife, who is in continual contact with uncle by now. Eventually we squeeze the address for DESTINATION 3 from uncle via the cell.
DESTINATION 3? "What the hell?," I ask, while watching my better half punch in the address. Now we are approaching the real buyers. However, they are not in Astoria, they are in Elmhurst! On and on we drive. By this time I am getting pretty snotty at the prospect of more driving in Queens. We drive and drive, past shopping centers and train stations, past car dealers and delis, past prostitutes and pimps. Finally our trusty GPS guides us to a very dark neighborhood. Yipes! So, uncle is standing on the street with the dude and two nerdy, grad student-looking people. We open up the car and get the buyer in the backseat. Daughter counts the money. She inspects it for counterfeit. She writes down the buyer's name and address. She signs over the title. She writes out a receipt for the money. Then she gets out to get the plates and registration from the car. IT WAS NOT TO BE!
So, to recap: by this time we have driven to Manhattan, continued to DESTINATION 1 in Astoria, continued to DESTINATION 2 in Astoria, driven on to DESTINATION 3 in Elmhurst, finally to conclude the sale. We thought we were done, after 3+ hours. But nooooooo, uncle proceeds to tell them that they can't leave an unlicensed car on the street or the cops will give them a ticket. I could have shot him!. So now there is a detailed, BUT INCONCLUSIVE discussion on WTF to do. I'm really pissed off at this point. This is way too much capro-copulation for me! (BTW, that's goat f__k for the uneducated.) So, the final upshot is that we all get back in the car, abandon the purchasers, and drive to DESTINATION 4 back in Astoria. I'm flaming, but resigned by this time. Uncle is picked up by his son. Daughter gets her plates and registration. We all get back in the car and drive back to Manhattan, then back home to NJ.
So, this is how to buy a car these days:
Here is a little background info. My daughter just got her first apartment in Manhattan. It's not fancy, but it's hers and she is happy. Then her car, which we bought in the "normal" way, began to be a nuisance to her. First it began to collect tickets while her boyfriend drove and parked it in the wrong places. That was solved by ditching the BF (there was more, but I'll leave that for another story). Then one day the car disappeared off the street. She was right at the decision point about whether to sell the car or not. So the disappearance could have been good (provided the insurance company paid). Unfortunately, the BF had come back to haunt her. He had never paid his tickets, so the car was impounded. Well, that is an adventure in New York City! Visits here and there to offices in strange places, followed by payment of large sums of money, including her former BF's tickets. She made her way through it without complaining too much. But she did decide to sell the car!
OK, so, what to do? She didn't know, but her uncle did. Her uncle lives in Flushing, and volunteered to show the car at his house. I don't know why, but it was really decent of him. So he was to show the car and my daughter was to advertise so it would sell. Well, right after paying deposits and her first rent, that was not in the cards. She didn't even have an Internet connection. So her very kind uncle started dropping off fliers and putting in Internet ads (don't tell his wife - she thought that was my daughter's job). Well, nothing much happened for a while, but then, last Wednesday night we got a call. And all hell broke loose! My daughter calls up and says there may be a buyer. Her uncle calls up and tells us the same. Daughter calls back and says "It's not enough. What do I do?" So I coach her on how to negotiate. Then her uncle calls up again and tells us the bottom line and the shocker "They want to buy it tonight!" Did daughter dear prepare for this? Hell, no! The title, manual, and extra keys are here in NJ!
So we tell him "No way! We'll come over tomorrow, when we're scheduled to go to Brooklyn." He says "No, it has to be tonight. They need the car for tomorrow. They'll pay cash!" So we hem and haw for a bit, then tell him that we'll come over. Then we ask him "Where do we do this thing?" He tells us in Manhattan, then corrects himself to say Astoria. It's 6PM by that time, and we have to conclude this quickly. So, off we go, worrying about counterfeit money, unsavory buyers, and so on. We call everyone in sight telling them we're on the way. Uncle is driving the car over to meet us. By 7:15 we're picking up my daughter and explaining things to her. Then we put the Astoria address in the GPS and head for Queens. So, traffic is fairly light and we get there in twenty minutes or so, pulling up just behind the uncle. "Not so bad," I say to myself (stupidly, it turns out in retrospect). Uncle gets on his cell phone and tells us "I can't get the guy!" So we stand around for a while, thumbs up our asses, wondering WTF. The house owner comes out in curlers and tells us the guy lives here but he isn't here right now.
It's at this point that I begin to focus on what's gone wrong with car buying. Rule 1: go to where the cars are! What the hell, the car, the seller, the uncle, and the immediate family in yet another car are all going somewhere that the buyer IS NOT! Uncle is resourceful, however, and calls one of the other people who came to his place with the buyer. He says, "I'm close by, a couple of blocks away. Let me call the guy and find out what happened and get him to call you back." So, we wait, and wait, and wait. Then uncle's phone rings and the dude calls back. "That guy will call you in a minute." So, the missing guy finally calls and tells us "I'm in Manhattan and, by the way, I'm not the guy buying the car." So now we're really in a lather. Uncle, not to be topped, calls the other dude back.
The dude tells us "Come and get me, then we'll get this thing going." I'm saying "Great, maybe this will happen." So off we go to DESTINATION 2. Well, it is DEFINITELY NOT a couple of blocks away. It is a couple of MILES away. We're following uncle and he goes through so many yellow lights, trapping us behind, that I'm beginning to wonder if we'll every catch him. Thank goodness we have cell phones. Finally we get to DESTINATION2. When we catch up with uncle, he starts up again immediately. I think he is still heading for the dude until I see that the dude is inside the car. "Where are we going," I ask my wife, who is in continual contact with uncle by now. Eventually we squeeze the address for DESTINATION 3 from uncle via the cell.
DESTINATION 3? "What the hell?," I ask, while watching my better half punch in the address. Now we are approaching the real buyers. However, they are not in Astoria, they are in Elmhurst! On and on we drive. By this time I am getting pretty snotty at the prospect of more driving in Queens. We drive and drive, past shopping centers and train stations, past car dealers and delis, past prostitutes and pimps. Finally our trusty GPS guides us to a very dark neighborhood. Yipes! So, uncle is standing on the street with the dude and two nerdy, grad student-looking people. We open up the car and get the buyer in the backseat. Daughter counts the money. She inspects it for counterfeit. She writes down the buyer's name and address. She signs over the title. She writes out a receipt for the money. Then she gets out to get the plates and registration from the car. IT WAS NOT TO BE!
So, to recap: by this time we have driven to Manhattan, continued to DESTINATION 1 in Astoria, continued to DESTINATION 2 in Astoria, driven on to DESTINATION 3 in Elmhurst, finally to conclude the sale. We thought we were done, after 3+ hours. But nooooooo, uncle proceeds to tell them that they can't leave an unlicensed car on the street or the cops will give them a ticket. I could have shot him!. So now there is a detailed, BUT INCONCLUSIVE discussion on WTF to do. I'm really pissed off at this point. This is way too much capro-copulation for me! (BTW, that's goat f__k for the uneducated.) So, the final upshot is that we all get back in the car, abandon the purchasers, and drive to DESTINATION 4 back in Astoria. I'm flaming, but resigned by this time. Uncle is picked up by his son. Daughter gets her plates and registration. We all get back in the car and drive back to Manhattan, then back home to NJ.
So, this is how to buy a car these days:
- Get two friends, including one with mechanical skills, together
- Rent a car and drive to where the car is (this sounds appropriate so far)
- Drive away, promising to meet and buy the car with cash, but giving the wrong address
- Let the guy at the address go off and do whatever he wants without telling the sellers
- Let another guy go off somewhere else, but let him answer the phone
- Force the seller's car to drive to three different destinations, trailing another car for support of the selling team
- Force the seller's car to drive off to a fourth destination for parking without plates
- Let the sellers go off on their own finally, to get home at a much later hour than they thought reasonable
Things are different now. I just hadn't realized how different they are
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